Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
