I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize