He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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