And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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