i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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