3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
