He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
