i think my mom watched the whole time
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize