And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
