Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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