You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
