Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
