You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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