You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
