i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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