mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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