What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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