well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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