I should be sponsored by Trojan
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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