period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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