I want to walk on stilts...naked
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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