can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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