I'm pants shitting drunk right now
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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