i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
