woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
