My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
