and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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