I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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