just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
