You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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