I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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