Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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