there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
