dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
