peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
