Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
