So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
