I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
