You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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