i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
