Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
