i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize