Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
