I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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