do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
