I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
