I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
