he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
