well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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