Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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