We need to rekindle our bromance
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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