Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
