does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
