Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
