Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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