did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
