Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
