Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We need to get me chipped asap
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
