you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
