you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
