My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
