How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
