hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
