I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
