We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
